Almost a year ago I was in a relationship in which things seemed to finally be working. I was so content with my life. I was just getting ready to start my last year of college and the horizon was just in sight. When I described my life as content though, I meant just that - neither bad, nor exceptionally good in any way. Life just "was" essentially. Due to circumstances, that relationship obviously fell apart only weeks later. I believe it was around the first day or two of class because I remember thinking that the added emotional distress was all I needed at the beginning of a school year. As much as that all sucked, it propelled me forward with a new sense of purpose. I worked my butt off for the first time ever in school. Granted, this should have been happening well before my 5th year of college, but nevertheless, it happened. I buried myself in my schoolwork and my job selling cosmetics. It was hard to worry over a relationship I knew had finally been put to rest if I kept myself busy with a purpose. That semester flew by. I was up to my elbows with homework and the work that my not one, but two internships required of me. I was so busy that I had to quit my job just to keep up. After months of this I gave in and went on a date or two. Obviously, that didn't take off either, but I didn't care because I was striving to be the best with the work I had to do.
That semester came to a close, and Christmas break was a welcomed relief. During the break I began babysitting for a friend that I used to work with. I spent much of this time preparing for my TWS (Teacher Work Sample) for my student teaching internship. Essentially, this so-called TWS is a huge headache, a bunch of statistics (which for me is about the last thing on earth I know how to do), and basically required me to continue burying myself in my work.
Over Christmas I was talking to my cousin who lives in North Carolina and teaches over there. In the back of my head, I've always wanted to live somewhere warm, and for those of you that know me, know I love my country music and cowboys. I'm not sure where this came from, and I'm pretty sure my mom is completely thrown for a loop, but that's just the way I've always felt. (Minus that one phase where I dated a guy who looked totally Jersey Shore, but that's besides the point). So, I mentioned that I'd like to come down and visit, and who knows, maybe even look for a job down there. Not even a week later I was out at a bar that I like to go to every now and then with a friend. I randomly start talking to a guy and he asked what I do. I explained that I was getting ready to finish school after the following semester and hopefully get a teaching job. I also randomly mentioned (and to this day do not know why) that I just talked to my cousin who teaches in NC so that was somewhere that I might like to go. Low and behold, wouldn't you know it, he too lives in NC and was simply here visiting over the holidays. Cool. (Upon later investigation, he lived in the exact area I was interested in visiting) So, he gave me his number telling me to get ahold of him if I ever made it down to NC. I walked away and back to my guy friend and said, "I think that guy's kindda cute!" And he responded with the often-spoken, "Oh, brother Kara! Just leave it alone!"
January came quickly as my break was not as long as I was accustomed to since I began my student teaching, and I wanted to begin on the first day of their semester. Over the course of my student teaching I really began to focus in on wanting to move to NC. And that guy I thought was "kindda cute" kindda turned into something. And that's what I'll call it - "something". And that something continued. I liked that something. That something made me feel like I had someone I could always talk to, but at the same time I couldn't be hurt by someone so far away. I loved that something. The weeks of that second semester of my student teaching flew by. Oh, and I moved during that semester too! I was living at home, but moved to a smaller town to live with my brother and his friend. This was my first real time living on my own without any relationship, minus that something thing I had going on... It was a great idea, and I haven't regretted it whatsoever. The semester ended and I finally graduated, and I was quite proud of myself.
I began applying to tons of teaching jobs in NC and even flew down for an interview. I got to spend time with that "kindda cute" guy, and I got to love that something, but then my time was up and I had to come back home. Over the past two months I began to lose hope that NC would happen, and so too, my something kind of came to a close too. I was shocked to see that I could in fact be hurt by that "something" with that "kindda cute" guy who lived nearly 20 hours away. Losing that something sucked, but as always, I don't have time to feel sorry for myself too long.
This all kind of leads me to where I'm at now. Just the other night, a professor sent me a message about a position that just opened up in a great school district and told me to email the principal my cover letter and resume with a brief note of how I heard about the job. I got everything together and emailed by 9, and the principal emailed me back only 15 minutes later!! (This might not seem like a huge deal, but if you've read my previous blogs, you know that principals are like mythical creatures that you never get to talk to or receive any response from). She directed me to fill out an application online and send it in. So I did. An hour later I had applied. I woke up the following morning expecting to hear something from that school and I checked my email before I even had both eyes open. I open my email and the first thing I see takes my mind a minute to register. It was the principal from NC that I interviewed with months ago asking me if I had found a position yet. I very quickly responded that no, as a matter of fact, I had not. It seems the moment that I finally, truly, and fully accepted the options and opportunities that have been given to me, the ones that I really wanted presented themselves. Maybe. I'm still waiting until Monday to see what I hear from both places. Everyone keeps asking me what I will do. The school here close to me is a great school, but staying here is not what my heart truly desires.
So, in the past year, my life went from being pretty content, to me chasing a dream. Some days I'm not even sure what that dream is. I've had a lot of doors slam in my face. I've watched many futures that I envisioned in my life shatter. I've been burned. I've had many highs and many lows where I am crying for reasons even I'm unsure of. One thing I am certain of, is that I have grown so much in this past year. I feel emotionally strong. Although I'm not sure what my life has in store for me, I'm positive that something - the right thing- will work out.
On a side note that makes me giggle: I feel like Samson from the bible kind of (you know, the one whose power was manifested in his hair; if it was cut he would lose his power). About a year ago I had my hair cut because I have always kept it on the shorter side, but now I refuse to cut it. It's the longest that it has been in a long time. It kind of feels symbolic of this past year. I feel a symbolic strength in it :)
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